Here It Goes Again

Well, the saga with D continues. I found out that he and N have been dating/whatever for over a year. I be dog gone. I know that during that time, I have done something flirtatious with him and probably in front of N.

Just when I think it’s over… Here it goes again!

The Saga Continues

I talked to Mama I earlier about the whole D situation. She let me get it all out. I shed a few tears.

It really hurts. The nigga lied to me at least 3 times.WHY?I really don’t get it. Mama I told me not to say anything to him at all, but I really want to. She said that I need to wait until the hurt, pain, and anger is resolved.

It felt good talking to Mama I. Her and Mama S have been blessings in my life. I’ll tell them one day.

No Spring Chicken

I have been added to a journal list called No Spring Chicken. It is a list for people over 30 who have diaries. Now, I know that I am getting old.

Email to D About 4-2-03

Dear D,

Your news on Wednesday hit me like a ton of bricks. I was expecting you to say, "Deartra, N and I are dating." Not "Deartra, N and I are engaged."

I had already figured out that you and N had something more going on than you were saying. If you think about it, I hadn't flirted with you too much in a long while. I am just hurt that you couldn't tell me sooner about you and N.

I had asked you several times if you and N had something going on. You always told me no. Then I find out on Wednesday, that you all not only have something going on, but you all are engaged. You lied to me. I thought we had a better relationship than that. Man, you lied to me.

The best way I can explain to you how I feel is like this...

I walk into church one evening to see you and N standing in front of Bishop and he is performing a wedding ceremony. I walk down the side of the aisle and look at you. You look at me and shrug your shoulders.

You don't need to worry about me obsessing over you or anything. Long ago, I got over my feelings for you.

I am happy for you and I wish you and N the best.

We're still friends,
deartra

P.S. I wouldn't talk to Jerry for awhile. You lied to him, too. He is far less understanding when people lie to him than I am.

*****

I called him and left him a message to check his email. I'll let you know what happens later on.

Slapped Upside the Head

Well, I got slapped upside the head tonight. My thoughts about D and N were finally confirmed by D. What he told me was not what I expected. Get this, D told me that they are engaged. I be good googamooga, engaged.

All I said to him was ok. He kept asking me why was that all I was saying. I was thinking, "Nigga, I was expecting you to say that you all were dating, not that you all were engaged. You have lied to me more than once. You really don't want me to say what I am thinking."

I thought D and I were at least friends. I thought he could have told me this before now. I told that nigga stuff I very rarely tell anyone. See, that's why I dislike making friends. You get close to them and then something crazy happens.

He said that he was going to call me because we needed to talk. I don't really want to talk to him.

I am going to write D an email. I will be able to say what I feel that way.

Bad Day, Good Word

I have had a horrible day so far today. I decided to write an email to two mailing list groups that I am on. I felt a lot better after I wrote the email.

Later on that day...

I received a call from ProStaff. The person on the phone says that they are submitting my resume to a company that has a position open.

Thank you Lord for the good news. I needed it.