Pink Phase

I am going through a pink phase. I am not a fan of pink. I have never been a fan of pink. I am a big tom boy. But lately, I have been going through a pink phase. I have a pink backpack. I have a pink binder. I have bought several pink shirts. I also have been buying more and more pink stickers. I can't figure out what is wrong with me.

I think it has something to do with my students. Like I have said before, I work at a preschool that has a daycare in it. On most days that we are in class, there is subject to be four or five girls wearing pink. I think I have assimilated. Someone help me please.

I am going to start a PINK Watch Category where I will post how many girls have on the color pink each day. I have gone pink crazy.

Weekly Goals 2/25-3/3

Here are my goals for next week
1. Update LDW
2. Update GBF
3. Update Maddocha
4. Update Always Inspired
5. Add picture to Transformed on Gossip
6. Finish Another Convert
7. Add Another Convert to Gossip
8. Transfer the Adams Family Site
9. Transfer the Adkins Family Site
10. My hubby's graduation
11. Make a hair appointment

Bolded goals in Arial Font have been completed.

Missing My Students

I cannot believe how much I missed my students for the two days I was gone. I was rather happy to see them today. It felt good to see them and to goof around with them during recess time. Ok, so I am one of those teachers who run around like a big kid during recess and gym time.

I didn't realize that I was going to miss them this much.

Hard to Write

Sometimes it is hard to write. My sinuses have been acting crazy all week. I can not breathe well. My nasal spray is not working. I need some kind of relief. I may have to start taking my allergy pills.

P.S. I cheated today to make the word quota. I removed all of the contractions from my writings.

Thinking

I was thinking today about how children act these days. When I was a youngster, (as if I am all that old), we did not act up out in public. Mama always said, "Do not go out in public acting a fool. If you have to act like you do not have any sense, do it at home." And that was the way we acted, we acted like we had some sense out in public and acted a fool at the house.

Kids these days do not act like that. They act a fool all the time.

That is one of the reasons that I am skeptical about having children now. I do not want my children, (Tre and Lil D) acting up in public. (They are twin boys. One named after my husband and one named after me.)

I have heard the saying, "You children will act differently because you are the one who raised them, but I am sure that most parents feel that way about their child, but still, children act up.

These days, children are not even scared when you say that you are going to call their parents. That has corrected me on several occasions.

When I was a senior in high school, I decided to act grown one day in English class. My teacher, Mr. Newton, kept telling me to stop acting up. (I do not even remember what I did.) After a while, he said, "I am going to call your mother." My face got sad. My demeanor changed. I almost started crying. I reacted so strangely, that I scared him. Just as the tears were about to fall from my eyes, he said, "I will not call your mother if you act right." You better believe I started acting right. From that day one, he teased me about that incident until I graduated. If that man would have called my mother and told her that I was acting a fool, my mother would have killed me. I was 17 years old when this happened.

Things are so crazy these days. I just keep praying!

P.S. I am so very hungry.

It Was Fun

I took the day off to spend it with my husband. It was fun.

The Judicial System

I don't understand the judicial system in Texas. It takes forever for them to pick a jury. Then, by the time that they have a jury picked out, folk are mad and talking crazy. Every person that was picked for the jury said, "Awe naw," And they said it with an attitude. They person that was on trial had to feel distressed because every person that was going to make a decision about his future life was upset that they had been asked to do that.

There has to be a better way of picking a jury.

I wasted a whole day for $6.00 (that's what they are going to pay us). It cost $3 to park and then my lunch was $3. There went my $6.

The best thing about the whole day was that I was able to write some more of Gossip.

The Things People Say to Get Out of Jury Duty

People say some of the stupidest things to get out of jury duty. There were two dudes who just wouldn't shut up. They talked so much that they rest of us were mumbling, "They need to shut up." That was crazy because one of the defense attorneys got upset and asked for a sidebar. The judge came back and told us to quit making comments to each other.

Here are some quotes from the people…
"If we aren't talking like you and I are talking now, I will be sleep on you. I get bored easily and you will hear me snoring."
"I can't believe just one witness. It is human nature to lie."
"I just don't want to."
"I don't believe in giving anyone probation for murder."

Here's a question... Why would you ask a person who does not speak or understand English to serve on a jury?

All Day Long!

I had jury duty today.

First of all, I had to drive from Coppell to Dallas. That took over an hour. That is ridiculous. Half of Coppell is in Dallas County and the other half is in Denton County. I be glad when we get out of Coppell (Ebonically speaking). But that's another story.

I was downtown all day. I was in the Central Jury Room for close to an hour. We had to watch a film and then we had to wait to be called. While waiting, I was able to write some on the Gossip Story.

My number was called to go to a court area. That took forever. When I got up to the area, there were already 100 people in the little enclosed area. It was hot up in that area. I had to go out into the open hallway because I didn't want my allergies to act up. The wait was over an hour and a half.

We got called into the courtroom. The case was a murder case. There was a good chance that I wasn't going to get picked for the jury because of where I was sitting in the gallery.

The judge talked for too long, asking questions and explaining stuff. We were dismissed for lunch.

They were late calling us back into the courtroom after lunch. Get this… I had to go to the restroom. I was trying to wait and see if they were going to call us back into the courtroom. I kept thinking, "The moment that I go to the restroom, they are gonna call us back into court." I couldn't wait any longer, so I went to the restroom. I was late getting back into the courtroom and the judge decided to call me out in front of everyone. Someone told me, "They called us back in just after you left to go to the restroom." Ain't that some bull?

So, the rest of the afternoon was boring. Two people on my row were picked to be a part of the jury. I didn't, I guess because they had already picked two women before me.

Tired!

I am unbelievably tired. I was sick over the weekend and I am still trying to recover. Working with three year-olds is tiring work. Tomorrow I have jury duty. Oh Lord, that is going to be a nightmare.

Uhh Ohh!

Well, I have been sick for the past three days (Thursday, Friday, & Saturday). I haven't written anything. I had gotten into the swing of writing, but now, I am not feeling like writing. I know that it probably has something to do with me not feeling well today, but I am trying not to get into the mode of not feeling like writing. Hopefully, this brief entry will help me out.

Weekly Goals 2/18-2/24

(This was posted late because I was sick.)

Here are my goals for next week
1. Put up clothes
2. Update LDW
3. Update GBF
4. Update Maddocha
5. Update Always Inspired
6. Add picture to Transformed on Gossip
7. Write Another Convert
8. Add Another Convert to Gossip
9. Transfer the Adams Family Site
10. Transfer the Adkins Family Site

Bolded goals in Arial Font have been completed.

My Monthly Goals

My endeavor to write something each day, to be more exact, to write 1,000 words per day is going well. My daily goal for February is 400 words per day.

I have done it for five days of February so far. It feels good to be writing everyday. I get to put stickers on my laptop. Yea!

I get to put 11 stickers on my laptop. I am feeling so good. Plus, I get to put 2 thousand word stickers on my laptop. One day I got 2,272 words. I am feeling so good right now.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

To everyone. I hope that your day goes well. Be blessed.

Remember, if you don't have someone special in your life, God loves you everyday, and that's the best love you could ever have.

Too Early

I switched shifts with someone at work today. I had to get up at 5:00 this morning. I am so sleepy right now. I get to leave work earlier than normal, so that makes it worth it. I am about to fall asleep though.

Workshop

I am going to be doing a workshop next week for two of the writing email groups that I am on. I have wanted to do the workshop for awhile, but I haven't been able to. I have improved the workshop since the last time I did it in 2005. I am very excited about the workshop.

It is called, Coming up with New Ideas, or something like that. I don't have the paper right in front of me. I need to get that right, huh. :)

Wow, the Chargers

It's crazy, but just a few days after Wade Phillip is made our new coach, the Chargers fire Marty Schottenheimer. That is so crazy.

I thought the Chargers were on the verge of winning it all this year. I think they have one of the best teams in the league and they most certainly have the best running back in the league in LaDainian Tomlinson. I am trying to figure this one out.

I guess since the Chargers lost both Coordinators and several position coaches, the powers that be decided that the coach needed to go too. I wonder what is going to happen to the Chargers now.

Wow!

Sunday School

The Sunday School lesson for today was all up in my business. It was about being like Christ.

The scripture used was John 15:1-17.
1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
3Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.
7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.
9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.
11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
17 These things I command you, that ye love one another.
(King James Version)

I am going through something right now at work. My Sunday School teacher said, "Sometimes, you have to look past the suffering and see what the end result is going to be. Sometimes that is hard because the suffering is right in our face, the meanness is right in our face, but we have to be longsuffering and see the end result. All I could say was "Yes, Lord."

Lord, help me to see past my suffering. Lord, help me to see past his meanness to the end result.
Amen

We discussed verse 13 of John 15. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. The verse doesn't literally mean to die for someone, but it means to think of others before you think of yourself. I need more help with that, not that I am selfish, but I could use more practice at it.

Lord, help me to think of others more than I think of myself.
Amen

Writing

Wow! On last night, I wrote over 2,000 words for my Gossip Series. I was rather impressed. I sat at my computer and got into a groove and wrote like crazy. My husband put on some Fred Hammond and we praised the Lord as he washed dishes and I typed on my computer. It was refreshing to actually pound out some words. I came up with some new stories to add to the Gossip series. I added Transformed and Another Convert. I hope my muse continues to flow.

How Much Is Too Much?

I am (not just me) having an issue with someone at work. This person is being verbally and now, physically abusive. The manager doesn't want to let the person go because the person is having some personal issues that is causing the actions.

I am wondering how much is too much. How much abuse must we take? I understand that the person is a child, but I don't go to work to get abuse by a child. All we can do is sit the child in time-out. That doesn't work because the child continues to act a fool. The behavior is rubbing off on the other children as well.

This child has swung at me several times. He threw a chair at me. He almost closed my hand in the door. He had swung at several other workers as well. I am wondering what is going to be done about the child.

I am praying and have prayed for the child. I don't like being abused. I refuse to keep being abused, too. I am going to keep a running record of what the child does, so that I will have proof when I tell the powers that be that the child needs to leave.

How much is too much? I believe in helping people, but I refused to get hit on and yelled at by people. I don't like being abused. If the child were an adult and treated me this way, it would be over.

I am trying to be patience, but my patience is running out. The child said a word, several times, on last week that no child should be saying.

God, I am sincerely tired. I came home on Thursday and Friday feeling bad and low. I can't deal with too much more of this.

I will keep praying…
Lord, please help me. I need You! Amen.

Weekly Goals 2/11-2/17

Here are my goals for next week
1. Put up clothes
2. Make icon for blogs
3. Update LDW
4. Update GBF
5. Update Maddocha
6. Update Always Inspired
7. Fix Collier City on Gossip
8. Add Tammy & Helen to Gossip
9. Complete Transformed for Gossip
10. Post Transformed to Gossip
11. Add picture to Transformed on Gossip
12. Write Another Convert
13. Add Another Convert to Gossip
14. Transfer the Adams Family Site
15. Transfer the White Family Site
16. Transfer the Adkins Family Site

Bolded goals in Arial Font have been completed.

It's Official: Wade Phillips

is the new coach of the Dallas Cowboys. It appears that he has a 3 year deal. He is a defensive minded person from all accounts. I am wondering what he is going to do with the offense.

Phillips, defensive coordinator at San Diego the past three seasons, has a 48-42 head coaching record over three seasons with Buffalo, two with Denver and season-ending interim stints with New Orleans and Atlanta.

Phillips, meanwhile, was helping the Chargers go 14-2. They allowed the seventh-fewest points in the NFL and were rated 10th in total defense.

It seems that our defense will be much better. I hope the defense will be better as well.

New Story Idea

I have a new story idea. It is about a young lady who is part of a family who has been Pentecostal for over 100 years. I got a good title for it. (Thanks Jerry.)

Cowboys Coach

For all the reports I am hearing, the Dallas Cowboys, may have a new coach. It is being reported that Wade Phillips may be our new coach. That could totally be wrong because news reporters have gotten things wrong before and Jerry Jones has been known to do crazy things, so we will see.

Here's a little something about Wade Phillips.
2004-06 - Defensive Coordinator, San Diego Chargers
2003 - Head Coach (Interim), Atlanta Falcons
2002-03 - Defensive Coordinator, Atlanta Falcons
1998-2000 - VP of Football Operations and Head Coach, Buffalo Bills
1995-97 - Defensive Coordinator, Buffalo Bills
1993-94 - Head Coach, Denver Broncos
1989-1992 - Defensive Coordinator, Denver Broncos
1986-88 - Defensive Coordinator, Philadelphia Eagles
1981-85 - Defensive Coordinator, New Orleans Saints
1977-1980 - Defensive Line, Houston Oilers
1976 - Linebackers, Houston Oilers
1975 - Defensive Line, University of Kansas
1973-74 - Linebackers, Oklahoma State University
1970-72 - Defensive Coordinator, Orange High School
1969 - Graduate Assistant, University of Houston

He looks qualified.

Weather Witch

Someone needs to tell Mother Nature to make up her mind. Yesterday it was 70 degrees or so. It was a pretty day. I got to go outside and just outdoors.

Not today though. It is cold as all get out. That doesn't even make any sense. Mother Nature, the Ground hog, or whoever is in control of the weather needs to quit messing with me.

Cut The Cheese

One of these little jokers done cut the cheese. They stinky.

Please Pray

My grandmother had to be rushed to the hospital. Her kidneys failed.

Degeneration of What's in that Petri

I was watching a recent episode (Talking Points) of Law & Order. It was an episode about Stem Cell Research. At the end of the show, Jack McCoy was asked, "How do you feel about stem cell research?" He answer was something like, "If we are created in the image of God, I think we are a degeneration of what was once in that Petri dish."

That was a powerful statement because I feel that it is true. I believe that this generation of humans is a watered down version of our forefathers. I believe every generation after us will be even more watered down.

I think about my ancestors. They ate a steady diet fat-back, hogmaws, chit'lins, and other fatty foods; and a large majority of them lived to be well into their 90s. But us, we can't even eat one hot dog without almost going in to cardiac arrest.

I can't even stand to be out in the sun these days. If I am out in the sun for longer than 40 minutes, I almost pass out and my skin breaks out in a rash. My ancestors stayed out in the sun all day without problems.

What in the world is going on?

Let's get to the church world. We are some watered down saints for sure. People leave churches just because of the message the pastor preached. I grew up on hell-fire and damnation sermons, and we did not leave our church. You can't even get people to come out to the weekly services. We used to have services everyday of the week. YES! Everyday. And every member of the church came out to all of the services, even choir rehearsal. That part was crazy; there were non-choir members at church for choir rehearsal night.

Does anyone know who their neighbor is anymore? When I lived in my apartment like 15 years ago, I knew the neighbor across the hall. I saw her everyday. I even stopped and talked to her. I knew that her daughter was in college. She knew that I was in college. I enjoyed that. I moved to another apartment in that same complex and I did not know any of my neighbors. I say some people and said hi to them, but I didn't know them. (I take that back. I heard them curse their children out by name, so I knew a couple of the children's name.) Where I live at now, I don't know any of my neighbors. That's shameful.

We don't even fellowship at church like we used to. With the appearance of mega churches, it is hard to fellowship, but I miss the down home atmosphere of the small church. It felt good to have someone know your name, but I have found out that most Christians now-a-days like the amenity that the mega church gives them.

We are a wiser generation, but we are some weak human beings. God help us all.

To quote Jack McCoy, "If we are created in the image of God, I think we are a degeneration of what was once in that Petri dish."

Rex Grossman

I am praying for Rex Grossman. So much negative stuff has been said about him. I feel bad for the guy. I hope he gets a chance to show everyone what he can do next year. BIG UPS! To Lovie Smith for sticking with him through out the whole season. I know that made Rex feel better.

Give It A Rest Please!

I keep hearing this and I am so tired of it.

Apparently, while Prince was doing Purple Rain, it looked like he was using his guitar to represent a certain part of the male anatomy. I did not notice it during the performance. I have a friend who said it made him do a double take, but he didn't think twice about it.

Why is everyone trying to make a controversy where there isn't one? Almost every sports commentator on earth has had something negative to say about the performance. I just think they are trying to find something negative to say. I wish they would give it a rest already.

Prince @ the Super Bowl

It was crazy seeing Prince sing with his head rag on. That was so crazy. I ain't mad at him though. I hated it when my perm gets wet and frizzy, too.

I enjoyed his performance. My husband went crazy when he saw the FAMU band come out and play with Prince. My hubbie is a Florida boy.

They had a Super Bowl party @ my church. I wonder if they watched the half time show. :)

The National Anthem @ the Super Bowl

I was not impressed with Billy Joel's singing of the National Anthem. It did not impress me in the least bit. It was bland and monotone.

Yolanda Adams sung the National Anthem at one of the Divisional Championship games. She did pretty well. I enjoyed her signing it.

I have not been impressed with a celebrity singing the National Anthem since Whitney Houston sung it. That girl sung her heart out. They realized the song on cassette and then she went platinum. That is too crazy. Girl knows she could sang.

The Super Bowl

I watched the Super Bowl. When Devin Hester ran the kick-off for a touchdown, you would have thought I was routing for Chicago the way I was screaming. Nope. I just wanted to see Devin run one in. That was so cool to see him do that. He is a Florida boy. My husband is a Florida boy, so I have to root for Florida boys. :)

I don't think Peyton should have been MVP, though. He did not do anything worthy of getting the trophy. I think Joseph Addai or Dominick Rhodes should have gotten it. I think Peyton got it because he finally won a Super Bowl. That's just my opinion.

Holding Out

I was riding home after church on Sunday. I was thinking about how long I waited before my husband came. I was 33 years old and I was a virgin. (I know you all don't believe me, but I really was.) I didn't complain about a man, but I did want one, just to have someone to hang out with besides my brother. (I love you, Jerry.)

I was thinking about how if you wait on God, He will make your wait worthwhile. God blessed me with an excellent husband.

Hezekiah Walker's new CD, 20/85 the Experience, was playing on the CD player. "Hold Out" was playing. The song talks about waiting on God. Before I knew what had happened, I was crying like crazy and praising God. I know my husband must have thought I was crazy.

When you hold out and wait on God, it is an awesome thing, the blessing that He gives you. I can't express it like I want to, but God is an awesome God!

***
Hold On as sung by Hezekiah Walker & the LFC
I'm going to hold out
Gonna hold out 'til He comes
God has just begun
Too make a Way, make a way for me
I'm going to hold out
Gonna hold out 'til He comes, God has just begun
To make a way, way

(Chorus 1)
Storm clouds may rise
Strong winds may blow
I know the Lord will take me through it all

He'll make a way, way

(Verse)
(Chorus 1)(x2)
(Verse)(x3)

(Chorus 2)
I'm going to hold out
Gonna hold out 'til He comes
Hold out 'til He comes
Hold out 'til He comes
Don't give up
Don't give in
Hold out 'til He comes

***

I am going to hold out.

Housework

I cleaned up the house today. I washed some clothes. I got most of them put up. It is hard trying to keep up with the house work. I feel good that the house looks relatively decent, not that it was a pigsty before. The house looked lived in. :)

I tried to do a little computer work today, but I didn't feel much like it. I watched my video tapes, so that was cool.

I am trying to reach over 100 words with this entry because my last few entries have been rather low in the word count area.

I am going back to the housework. I got over 100 words. YEA!

Weekly Goals: 2/4 - 2/10

I have written out my monthly goals, for the entire world to see. I am also going to write out my weekly goals for the next week on each Friday.

Here are my goals for next week

1. Put up clothes
2. Make icon for blogs
3. Update LDW
4. Update GBF
5. Update Maddocha
6. Update Always Inspired
7. Fix Collier City on Gossip
8. Add Tammy & Helen to Gossip
9. Add Writing Blurbs from here to my writing blog.
10. Add NaNo Blurbs to my writing blog.

Bolded goals in Arial Font have been completed.

A New Month

This is a new month and I am looking forward to it. Here are my goals for the month:
1. To write something everyday, no matter how big or small.
2. To write more on the Gossip Series.
3. To be more organized from now own.
4. To write down more of the story ideas that I have come up with.

I am looking forward to the month of February. The Super Bowl is this weekend. That will be cool.

Items in bold were completed.

Go COLTS!

Pride Stickers

I received FOUR Pride Sitckers this month.

Y Y Y Y

Writing, Rather the Lack Thereof

I have challenged myself to try to write at least 800 words a day. I really want to write 1,000 words a day, but 800 seemed more obtainable with my schedule. I have found it hard to do. The most I have written in one day is 836 words. That was a combination of writing

I am having a hard time trying to find time to write. I have a crazy schedule and it does not afford me much time to get into a continuous stream of writing. I get up at 6 AM to take my husband to work. He has to be there at 8 AM. I don't have to be at work until 9 AM. Well, there is an hour that I have to kill, but I don't have a quiet spot where I can write. When I do find a spot, I only have 15 or 20 minutes to write. Once I get into a flow, it's time to go.

I work from 9-5 with a half hour lunch, so I can't find much time to write during that time.

On most days, after work, I have to take my husband to school. So, I am still going. When I do stop running, I am so tired that I don't feel like looking at a computer, much less writing anything.

When I do put fingers to keyboard to write, the words flow. It's just trying to get my fingers to the keyboard. It's hard to start, knowing that at any moment I may get interrupted and have to stop writing. I am trying to write something everyday, even if it is only a journal entry.

I am going to do it. I can't wait until the summer though; I will so much free time that I should be able to write like crazy. I am speaking that, so it will be. :)

Enduring to the End

Have you ever been waiting on something to happen? Have you ever been waiting to be delivered from a situation? Endurance, that is what it takes to last. It seems as if this current generation does not have any endurance. Endurance is the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, and more. It is also defined as the ability or strength to continue or last, despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina.

I am waiting on God to deliver me from a situation. It has been a hard fought journey and I haven't always made the journey easy. It seems like it is taking forever. I have always prayed, Lord help me get through this. I don't like praying Lord; get me out of this now, because that means I will have to go through it again. I am waiting patiently to be delivered. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. It is a very dim light, but I can see it.

To endure, takes a certain mind set. You have to determine in your mind that you are going to endure. You also need to have it settled in your spirit that you are going to endure. The fleshly man always wants to quit and give up. But, if your spirit man is settled, then you can endure.

It gets hard time, waiting on God. I have devised a set of questions that help me to wait on God...
* Can I do anything to fix the problem?
* If I try and fix the problem, will I make things worse?
Once I answer these two questions, then I go from there. If I can fix, then I fix it. If I can't fix it, then I tell myself I have to wait on God. That's where the hard part comes in.

For most of my life, I heard the older saints say, "He (God) may not some when you want Him, but He is always on time." I never understood it until recent years. We always want God to come at the moment that we ask Him, but that is not always the right time. When God does appear, He always appears right before it is the last moment. Then the saying rings true.

I am still holding on and waiting for my change to come. There have been moments when I thought about acting a fool and quitting, but I have not done that. It is taking everything in me to endure.

I have the strength to continue or last, despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions.

Frustrations

Sometimes, life can be so frustrating. Crazy things happen. I mean crazy things that don't make any sense. I have had things happen to me that I can't even make up. Stuff that just doesn't make sense.

One day, I woke up feeling fine. There was nothing wrong with me. All of a sudden out of the blue, I get diarrhea. I had not eaten anything. I had not drunk anything. I just got sick. I still have yet to figure that day out. Things went downhill after that. That happened like 5 years ago. I remember it to this day. That's the kind of crazy stuff that frustrates me.

When I get frustrated, I get irritated. I mean everything irritates me. It seems like everything goes crazy when I get frustrated. Everything moves slower. People seem to act crazier. Traffic seems to be crazy. Ugh!

This is just irritatingly frustrating.

Gossiping Thoughts

I am currently working on a series of short stories entitled, Gossip. I was just thinking about gossip as I typed up one of the stories. It is amazing how quickly a Christian can get caught up into gossip. I know from experience.

I did not grow up in a gossiping household. We did not do taht. Even now, my mother is the last person to know any kind of gossip. Once it gets to her, it is usually 6 months old. We did not have a gossiping spirit at our church either.

At one of my more recent church homes, I became caught up in gossiping. It was easy to do because the pastor has a gossiping spirit, and the whole church has that same spirit, but they call it "SHARING INFORMATION." That's a load of bull because it is flat out talkign about people.

My brother and I happen to know some people, who know some people, who know some more important people. So, we have access to some of the top gossip about well known people in the religious arena. My brother and I got caught up into gossiping with the pastor. We were the ones who verified any gossip that he heard. We got deep into it, too.

In all honesty, it was fun being the one who knew the gossip. I ain't even gonna lie. That was a rush, to have people coming up to me and saying, "Is it true, what I heard about SO IN SO?" It felt good. (Sin is fun and it feels good for awhile.)

Things turned bad when my brother and I were the ones on the receiving end of the gossip. (Read a little about that here.) It is a lot more fun telling the gossip than it is being the one who talked about. Lord, have mercy.

Now, I am no longer into gossiping. I have to pray though, because it is hard to resist wanting to know more when someone says, "Have you heard what happened to SO IN SO?" It takes a lot to not say, "What happened?"

Be careful what you say about others. Someone may end up talking about you.

Pride Stickers

I am setting goals for myself this year to write a certain amount of words each day. If I reach my daily goal, I will place a pride sticker on my laptop for that day.

I can receive multiple stickers for each day if I write over the daily goal.

I love getting stickers on my computer.

Sticker Count

This is for my prewriting for NaNo. I earned SIX pride stickers.

Y Y Y Y Y Y

God Is Good!

God is good!

Excuse me, I feel like gettin' my praise on. Join me if you feel it.

The Saga

Here's the whole Saga with D and I from the beginning to this point.

:: He Emailed Me
:: Email To D & From D
:: D's Nails
:: There They Go Again
:: Slapped Upside the Head
:: Email to D About 4-2-03
:: The Saga Continues
:: Here It Goes Again
:: Why It Always Gotta Be Me?
:: It Ain't Right
:: My Feet Are Pointed Straight
:: Frustration & Them Thangs

Here is some poetry that is related to the whole saga.

:: Hypnotic Spell
:: Thoughts Back
:: A Brief Moment
:: The Spell Is Gone
:: Spiraling Down

Frustration & Them Thangs

I still want to talk to Mama I about the added things to this saga. I like talking to her and Mama S. Although most of the time with both of them, the end up telling me about their issues. I have nearly given up trying to find a listener like me to talk to. I am probably one of a very few people who can listen without discussing my issues and dispensing unrequested advice. Jerry always dispenses advice unrequested, all the time; so for me, he is a last, very last resort. He gives good advice, but you haven't asked for it most of the time.

********************

I think Mama M is po-ed at me. She said some things in an email, some harsh things. I responded back harshly. I was having a rough day and I didn't like what she said and the way she said it. I felt the need to say how I felt. She responded back and told me to get a life, in those words.

She told Jerry about it and showed him the emails. Jerry, who goes off on whoever is standing in front of him at the time, tells me that I should not have responded in the manner that I did. Oh well, Mama M is po-ed at me. At this moment, I really don't care either.

I was trying to let Mama M be my confidant because she is sweet and touchy feely, but I always end up back to Mama I and Mama S. Mama S says that I think I want that sweet, touchy feely love, but what I really want is some tough, tell it like it is love. She might be right because both Mama S and Mama I have the same exact personality type.

Lord, have mercy on me.

********************

Why does Jerry have me passing notes from Mama M to Papa W. Jerry has his number and he can make a phone call. I ain't his secretary!

My Feet Are Pointed Straight

Last night during Bishop's exhortations at church, Bishop hit my toes, my legs, and my arm. He began talking about having to apologize when you don't feel that you did anything wrong. Then he said that sometimes, you have to make sure that you are right, so that your heart and conscious will be clear.

All I could say was, "Yes, Lord!"

After service, I apologized to N. Now, My feet are pointed in a straight path!

It Ain't Right

I have been thinking about my having to apologize to N. Part of me feels that it is necessary. The other part of me is like nig- PLEASE. Why I gotta apologize. I ain't done nothing.

It just don't seem fair, but as my mama so elegantly put it… "I want my feet pointed in a straight path!"

I wonder where she got that from.

Why It Always Gotta Be Me?

Jerry, Mama I, and I went to On the Border. It was enjoyable and fun. We did the usual routine, talked, etc. As we were driving home, Jerry and I began discussing life, etc. We got on the subject of D. I opened my mouth and said that I had probably flirted with D in front of N, unknowingly. Jerry said that I needed to apologize to her. Then Jerry said that God told him to tell me
to apologize.

Here It Goes Again

Well, the saga with D continues. I found out that he and N have been dating/whatever for over a year. I be dog gone. I know that during that time, I have done something flirtatious with him and probably in front of N.

Just when I think it’s over… Here it goes again!

The Saga Continues

I talked to Mama I earlier about the whole D situation. She let me get it all out. I shed a few tears.

It really hurts. The nigga lied to me at least 3 times.WHY?I really don’t get it. Mama I told me not to say anything to him at all, but I really want to. She said that I need to wait until the hurt, pain, and anger is resolved.

It felt good talking to Mama I. Her and Mama S have been blessings in my life. I’ll tell them one day.

No Spring Chicken

I have been added to a journal list called No Spring Chicken. It is a list for people over 30 who have diaries. Now, I know that I am getting old.

Email to D About 4-2-03

Dear D,

Your news on Wednesday hit me like a ton of bricks. I was expecting you to say, "Deartra, N and I are dating." Not "Deartra, N and I are engaged."

I had already figured out that you and N had something more going on than you were saying. If you think about it, I hadn't flirted with you too much in a long while. I am just hurt that you couldn't tell me sooner about you and N.

I had asked you several times if you and N had something going on. You always told me no. Then I find out on Wednesday, that you all not only have something going on, but you all are engaged. You lied to me. I thought we had a better relationship than that. Man, you lied to me.

The best way I can explain to you how I feel is like this...

I walk into church one evening to see you and N standing in front of Bishop and he is performing a wedding ceremony. I walk down the side of the aisle and look at you. You look at me and shrug your shoulders.

You don't need to worry about me obsessing over you or anything. Long ago, I got over my feelings for you.

I am happy for you and I wish you and N the best.

We're still friends,
deartra

P.S. I wouldn't talk to Jerry for awhile. You lied to him, too. He is far less understanding when people lie to him than I am.

*****

I called him and left him a message to check his email. I'll let you know what happens later on.

Slapped Upside the Head

Well, I got slapped upside the head tonight. My thoughts about D and N were finally confirmed by D. What he told me was not what I expected. Get this, D told me that they are engaged. I be good googamooga, engaged.

All I said to him was ok. He kept asking me why was that all I was saying. I was thinking, "Nigga, I was expecting you to say that you all were dating, not that you all were engaged. You have lied to me more than once. You really don't want me to say what I am thinking."

I thought D and I were at least friends. I thought he could have told me this before now. I told that nigga stuff I very rarely tell anyone. See, that's why I dislike making friends. You get close to them and then something crazy happens.

He said that he was going to call me because we needed to talk. I don't really want to talk to him.

I am going to write D an email. I will be able to say what I feel that way.

Bad Day, Good Word

I have had a horrible day so far today. I decided to write an email to two mailing list groups that I am on. I felt a lot better after I wrote the email.

Later on that day...

I received a call from ProStaff. The person on the phone says that they are submitting my resume to a company that has a position open.

Thank you Lord for the good news. I needed it.

Gray Hair - Ugh!

I just saw a gray hair while combing my hair. Ugh!

I have to wait until Jerry gets home because he is the one that always pulls my gray hairs out for me. I don't have the nerve to pull them out myself. This is gray hair number 4.

I am getting old ya'll. Ugh!

Allergies

My allergies are acting a fool with me. Last night at church, I didn't have a jacket on. I went out with my father to do some stuff for his ministry. When I got home, I just had time to put my stuff down and then walk out of the door to church. I didn't get a jacket. I walked around outside without a jacket on and it was cold. The wind was blowing and I had on a short sleeved dress.

Today, I am suffering. I have been coughing, sneezing, snotting, and things of that nature.

I will be glad when I get over this stuff.

Lent & CBN

I was recently watching CBN with Pat Robertson. I have begun to watch it. I figured since I was sitting around at the house these days, I might as well get some religion while I was at it.

CBN is doing something special for the men in the service and over in Iraq. They are fasting and praying for Lent. I have decided to participate in Lent. I have decided to give up sodas, juice, and kool-aid. Lent is supposed to last until 4/13/2003.

It feels good to do something as a group. The United States is banning together. It is a shame that it always takes a tragedy to pull people together.

Happened Again

Well, it happened again. I have been laid off from the GLCCC, my dad's ministry. Lord, have mercy.

Can I ask a question? How do you get laid-off working for the Lord?

Twice, while working in ministry, I have lost my job. I am not understanding. My life feels so out of control. I have no idea what I want to do or what to do. I feel so lost . I just feel lost. What is happening to my life?

Whether anyone will admit it or not, there is alot of pain and hurt behind what happened at TTCA. It has not been resolved. I doubt that it will ever be resolved. I supposed that's the way things go. You live and learn, grow and go.

My dad is pissed off because someone used his name and his proposal and received grant money. Another person absconded with funds from the ministry. Lord, this stuff is a trip.

Jerry, finds it amusing. I find it heartbreaking.

Lord, please help me. Is all I can think to say.

Fragrance Fresheners

I bought a new fragrance freshener. The world is always trying to create something new to freshen a room. I bought a peach one and a cucumber melon one. The cucumber melon one smells very nice. They are supposed to last for a month. I hope they do.

There They Go Again

Well, there they go again. D and N were sitting together in church tonight. They have got to have something going on despite the fact that D keeps telling me that they don't. Jerry has asked D too, but D has told Jerry no as well.

It's over. Well, it was never meant to be.

That's that. I guess that's the way love goes. In my case, I never do anything the easy way. I always have to go the hard way.

Excuse me whilst I pray,
Lord, help to get over the feelings that I felt for D. I know I never had a chance with him. Give me the strength to overcome the hurt and pain that I feel.

LaDawnya's World Redone

LaDawnya's World is finally redone. I have updated all of the sites and redid everything. It is looking very nice. I have moved the site to a new server and supposedly I have an unlimited amount of space. Hopefully, I do.

Give Me A Minute

It may be awhile before I add an entry to my diary. I am redoing the LaDawnya's World Sites. I haven't been able to update them in a long time. Since I have my new computer, I plan to do that for a minute. I'll holler back after I get through updating LaDawnya's World.

Until then,

I am Walking in the F.O.G. (Favor of God)

Stupid Things We Do

My computer finally got through transferring the information. I deleted the files off my old computer. I looked at my new computer. Alot of my gif files were not transferred over. Ain't that 'bout a trip. I can't believe that. Well, that's my fault for not checking into things a little better. Most of the gifs were the gifs I use in LaDawnya's World. I have all of the ppts and mics that I created them in, so it will be easy enough to recreate them. The others I will have to download off the net.

Those stupid things we do.

Still Transferring

I am still transferring information from my old computer to my new computer. It has been four days and it is still going. Lord, have mercy. Did I have that much information on my old computer?

Dude, I Got A DELL!

Well, I just got my new computer.

Excuse me, I feel a praise coming on. If you want to, you can dance with me.

"When I think about Jesus, and what He's done for me. When I think about Jesus, and how He set me free, I can dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, all night."

********************

Okay, I'm back.

My new computer is fast. Good grief. I didn't know that a computer could move that fast. I am about to transfer my information from my old computer to my new computer. This may take awhile.

Computer Tales

Well, I have had it with my computer. It is slow. Very, very slow. I am getting a new as soon as I get my check from my father. I can't wait until I get the computer.

I may even break into a dance. I am planning on getting a DELL.

Lord, help me not to throw this old computer I have now out of the window.

He Wasn't At Service

Well, someone who has gone through with the same thing that I have wasn't at Watch Meeting service. I was so surprised. That is so unlike him. A couple of people asked me about him. I didn't know what to tell them. I am praying for him.

He wasn't at Watch Meeting Service. What's up with that?

Excuse me Whilst I pray...
Lord, touch him. God heal the pain that he feels. God help him to forgive those that hurt him. God help him to continue on in his ministry. God bless his ministry.
Amen.

The Phone Call

Mother Moore called and blessed us out because we didn't call her on Christmas. Jerry and I didn't even call our birth mother. Mother Moore wouldn't listen. Oh well.

She got upset with us, also, because we ate nachos and pizza for Christmas. It was our Christmas, so we could do what we wanted to do.

Merry Christmas ya'll.

A Prom Conversation

I didn't get to go to my prom in 1988 because of the religion of my mother. I have always felt slighted because I didn't go. I told my little god sister Shalitria. She is working on getting me a date so that I can go to HER prom. She is really working. She gives me updates regularly. She is going to let me go to HER prom. I am so shocked. I had always thought she was joking around with me, but she is serious.

I found out today what she is going to wear. She is going to be gorgeous and all dolled up. It looks like now, I am going to have to go all out and get dolled up, too. As she says, "This is my prom and I am going to look good." I told her that I wouldn't look better than her since it was HER prom.

Someone To Talk To

I won't say that I lied in my previous entry, but the Lord provided someone for me to talk to. I had planned on talking to Sis. S, but she wasn't at church. I ended up talking to my Trinity Temple godmother.

Let me tell you, she was on it. That woman can give some good sound advice when you catch her on a good day. What she said, was exactly what I needed.

Thank God.

She help me to understand some things about the humanity of people.

So often we forget that as Christians were are humans as well as the people in positions of authority are humans as well. We are all capable of getting our feelings hurt and hurting the feelings of others.

I just have to pray and put things in the Lord's hands.

No One To Talk To

I am very burdened by what is going on in my life right now. I really do not have anyone to talk to. I really need some kind of relief. Hopefully, I will figure out who to talk to eventually.

Still No Word

I still have not received any word about my situation from the person in authority. I am wondering if I will ever hear anything about the situation.

Trifling Drivers

I was riding with someone who is so trifling. We were on a two lane highway. He drove in the passing lane for most of the trip. People had to keep going around him in the right lane, because he was in the left lane. The sign clearly said, Left Lane Is For Passing Only. I read the sign to him, too. He said, "I'll pass someone eventually."

At one point and time, about seven cars passed us. I wouldn't have minded so much, but everyone kept cutting their eyes at me like I was the one driving.

Can I get a little help here, please?

Trifling drivers get on my nerves.

The Dinner Party

Well, Jerry and I ended up sitting at the kid's table during the dinner party. Ain't that bout nothing.

The dinner party was nice. There was this couple there, I can't remember their last name, but the guy's first name was Larry. I forgot the lady's name. (I need Jesus.) I guy named Neil was there. He is Mother Moore's "friend".

It was fun listening to Bro. Larry talk. He had something to say about everything. Neil talked to. He was okay. The lady was nice. I was very impressed by her. She was very polite and respectful. It was cool.

The dinner party was okay.

Jerry and I were going to try to clean up the kitchen for Mother Moore, but she had this thing about no one else washing her dishes. It's no skin off my nose.

Feeling Used

I have issues. When I go to visit someone in their home city, I expect them to spend time with me.

Mother Moore invited us down here for a Christmas dinner party. She has had Jerry and I doing all the work so far. She has been running all over creation and to the mall. I am beginning to feel a little used. Had she told us that she wanted us to come down to Atlanta to help her with the dinner party, I would not be feeling like this. She was supposed to be coming down here to chill and participate in a dinner party. We were not supposed to be cooking.

I am being nice because it is the holiday season, the time of giving and sharing, etc.

I will talk to her about it later.

Installation Service

I was able to see Eld. Richard "Mr. Clean" White installed as a bishop. It was a nice ceremony. I couldn't see anything from where I was sitting.

I wore a mink to the service. It was exhilarating wearing a full-length mink coat.

Everyone who was anyone was there. Jerry and I went with Mother Moore. We tried to sit with her, but the usher or seating coordinator would not let us sit with her. According to Mother Moore, the usher said, "Those are her children." The other lady said, "That makes no difference." Jerry and I didn't hear her say that. We understand how things work at the COGIC. If you are not someone in a position of authority, you will have to sit at the back of the church.

This one woman called some guy to sit by her. The seating coordinator tried to make him move several times. The woman told him not to move. She even told the seating coordinator to go on about her business. The seating coordinator did.

The seating coordinator made another man move and have to go sit by himself. It was very rude to make that man have to go sit by himself.

I once said that I wanted to be a jurisdictional supervisor in the COGIC, but I may change my mind after being at the installation. It was mostly about what the supervisors were wearing. That's pretty much the question asked by the people who were not there. "What did soinso have on?"

I am going to have to email Evg. Taylor and tell her that I feel her for real.

Hurt Feelings

I tried to speak to someone in authority today, just so that I would not harbor any ill will to this person. I can tend to do that. When I am upset with someone, I will not speak to them. I tried to make sure that my heart was pure and unburdened.

I made eye contact with this person on several occasions. This person did not look at me or acknowledge me once. It is getting hard to be cordial and polite to this person.

I was not the only person to notice this. Someone else who was with me noticed it, too.

Lord, help me to be strong and to not have any hard feelings towards this person.

I didn't know people with this kind of rank could act like that.

More Controversy

It's some more controversy going on in my life. I can't say much about it because it would open up the flood gates.

Something major is going on in a big organization and the head person in charge has not said anything on a big scale. I am wondering when the leader is going to say something.

Who knows?

New Story

I have come up with a new story that coinsides with LaDawnya's World. It explores the relationship between Kourtnee Adams and Colt Austin. It should be interesting as it developes.

I Didn't Get to See Her

Mother Moore was in this part of the state for Thanksgiving. She was supposed to get by to see Jerry and I. Jerry got to see her, but I didn't.

I would be upset, but Mother Moore had a lot of drama this holiday, so I can't be upset.

Praying Yet Again

Lord, help me not to harbor any hard feelings or animosity. Please grant me the grace to stand fast.

Help me to continue to love and respect all those who are involved. Help me to be strong.

Amen.

D's Nails

D came up to the school today. He actually came by the church to pick up the cymbals from the drum set. He sat down and talked to me for awhile. I looked at his hands told him that they were dirty. I sat at the desk and cleaned them with the fingernail file that I had at my desk. I got a brief sensation while cleaning his nails. I quickly made the sensation go away.

I told him that the school was closing. I made sure that I told him not to tell anyone about it. He said that he was going to pray for me. He gave me a hug before he left.

Good grief that boy is too much for me! Why isn't he my age?

It's Official...

Well, it's official. I am losing my job. The school is closing. The letter we are sending out says that it is due to lack of students and exorbitant expenses. If only you knew the whole story.

Pray for me, please.

Excuse me while I pray.

Thanksgiving Holiday

Thanksgiving was nice.

We got out of church late on Wednesday night. Jerry and I picked up the car and then drove to Stephenville. We reached Stephenville a little after 12:00 AM. Everyone was still woke. Us kids, Jerry, Alisha, Jamal, and I played video games, Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, until 4:00 AM in the morning. My stepmother was cooking.

We ate breakfast around 9:30 AM. Dinner was not going to be ready for a long while.

Jerry, Jamal, and I played video games (Pac Man) some more.

My daddy was not there for most of the day. He didn't get home until four something. Alisha spoke a word when she said, "It's quiet when Dad isn't here." I thought about it. It was very quiet without Daddy being there. Oh brother.

Dinner was ready at 5:45. I didn't eat that much because I didn't want to have a lot of food sitting on my stomach while we were riding back to Dallas. I must be too use to Jerry's cooking, because Mama Paulette's food did not taste like it had any seasoning on it.

Jerry and I drove back to Dallas.

Friday, I picked up my pay check and did some running around.

We drove to Refugio around 3:00 PM. We called my grandmother to tell her that we were on our way. She was about to begin fussing because we wouldn't get down there until 10:00 or 10:30. I had to tell her to stop fussing. We had to wait until Jerry got off from work.

We went with my mother to get a cellular phone. That was indeed an adventure of epic proportion. Everything was going smooth. We got the phone at Radio Shack. She had picked out one she liked. She picked out the Sprint plan she wanted. The Radio Shack staff was very cordial and helpful. I was very pleased with their customer service. The Radio Shack Staff called Sprint to activate the phone. The phone operator for Sprint acted a fool. He kept trying to get my mother to get a higher plan. She kept refusing. She got upset and handed me the phone. He tried to get me to get a higher plan. I told him no. He asked me to give the phone back to my mother. I did. He went back to trying to get my mother to get a higher plan. My mother went off...

"The people here have already explained this to me. I have told you several times that I don't need a bigger plan. I know I have fourteen days to change my mind, at the rate you are going, I am about to cancel this now!"

When she said that, every member of the Radio Shack Staff stopped what they were doing and looked at my mother. Jerry walked off from my mother. I stared at her. She handed the phone back to the clerk. He talked to the guy.

After all of this, my mother's phone was finally activated. The Radio Shack Staff teased us for a few minutes before we left the store. My mother thanked the Radio Shack Staff and told them that they had done a wonderful job. Jerry and I laughed all the way home, fooling with my Mama.

Jerry and I left Sunday morning. My mother's church was having a 3:00 service, so they didn't have church Sunday morning.

We stopped in San Marcos to go to the outlet mall. Traffic gong back to Dallas was congested and backed up. We stopped at a gas station. There was a line for the restroom. We had to go to another gas station.

We finally made it home.

This Thanksgiving holiday was great!

Being A Woman

Sometimes being a woman stinks. Take that anyway you want.

My Poetry Site

I have created a new poetry site called, My Poet's Voice.

I decided that I wanted a diary devoted solely to my poetry.

Enjoy.

Excuse Me Whilst I Pray

Lord, I just received some bad news. Please help me to hold fast, be strong, keep my joy and to know Your peace.

I will praise you in the midst of this storm.

Thank You, God.

Thank You for the strength to stand.

Thank You for the peace that passes all understanding.

Thank You for Your joy that is my strength.

Thank You, Jesus.

Amen.

Driving A Jaguar While Young and Black

We headed back to Dallas on Monday, 11-11-02. It was smooth sailing until we got into Greenville, Texas. In our home state. They have a billboard as you enter Greenville that says, "Greenville, You'll like the style." That's a lie especially if you are young African-American and driving a Jaguar.

We were stopped by the police of Greenville, Texas. The female officer came to my window and started talking. She says that we were going 80 miles in a 65 mile zone. I question that greatly. Jerry might have been going 75, but he was not going 80. Anyway, she asked Jerry to step out of the car. Then she began to grill me.

Officer: Where are you all coming from?

Me: Tennessee.

Officer: What were you all doing in Tennessee?

Me: We were at a church conference.

She shines her flashlight in the back of the car.

Officer: What are those in the back of the car?

Me: Oxygen tanks.

Officer: Why are they in the back of the car?

Now, I am thinking to myself, "Common sense should tell you that oxygen tanks are used for breathing."

Me: A friend of ours needed them to breath. We are taking them home for her.

Dumb Officer: Why do you have them?

It should be obvious to anyone that either our friend did not have a way to take them home or that our friend did not have enough room for them.

Me: Our friend flew and she asked us to bring them home for her.

Dumb Officer: Who is the driver to you?

Me: Huh. (I couldn't hear her.)

Dumb Officer: Who is the driver to you?

That should have been obvious to her. My brother and I look like my mother spit us both out at the same time instead of three years apart.

Me: He's my brother.

She walks off and goes to where my brother is.

When my brother got back in the car, this is what he told me.

The dumb female officer asked him,

1. Why did he rent a Jag?
2. When did he rent it?
3. When was he going to take it back?
4. How long was he going to keep it for?
5. Why did we have tanks in the back of our car?

1. The rental company gave it to us. (None of her business).
2. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
3. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
4. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
5. We were transporting them. (She had already asked me that.)

I guess a young black man and woman cannot rent a silver Jaguar XJ8.

Dumb officer. Don't get me wrong, I respect police officers, but racism and stupidity is hard to respect.

Needless to say, Jerry and I plan on writing every official we can find an address or email for in the city of Greenville.

It's a bit ironic. On Friday night (11-8-02) at the Back Home Revival Hour of the Convocation, one of the preacher's said this, "He was alright while he was on the Arkansas side of Texarkana, but when he got on the Texas side of Texarkana, he got into trouble. When they say don't mess with Texas, they mean it."

Truer words have never been spoken.

Our crime was... Driving A Jaguar While Young and Black!

Back From Convocation

Jerry and I got back from convocation on Tuesday after 12:00 AM. We would have been back earlier, but we had a complication. (I will get into that later.)

Guess what we drove to Memphis in. A JAGUAR. We were the lick rolling in an XJ8. God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. All we had to pay for the Jag was $139. Can I say it again? God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good.

Excuse me. I feel a praise break. 1, 2, 3.

Ok, I'm back.

On Wednesday night, 11-6-02, our Aunt Cheryl brought some oxygen tanks to church for us to transport to Memphis for her. Good grief woman. We were told that it was an oxygen tank. We ended up riding down there with count them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5; yes five oxygen tanks in the back seat. Good grief woman.

We left Thursday morning at 3:30 AM. We had a nice trip down there. A girl named Dana from the church rode down with us. Dana was fun to hang around. We went to a museum in Arkansas. Dana decided to ride the handicap elevator instead of taking the three steps down to the next level. The girl hit the emergency button instead of the start button. That sent us running through the rest of the museum. When we got back to the first floor, we could still hear the alarm sounding. The security guard was running around on her walkie talkie trying to figure out what was going on. Jerry and I had to catch up with Dana because she was swiftly moving out the door.

Jerry and I did not make it to the main service until Monday. We stayed in until 10:30 each night and went to the Back Home Revival Hour with Madame Emily Bram Bibby and Superintendent McClendon Winbush. The services were nice. I played the drums as usual. I let a few people play this year. I got paid. Mother J gave me a think envelop with a bunch of ones, fives, and tens in it. Hey, money spends no matter what denomination it is.

Monday, we saw all of our people -- Evg. Francis Kelley, Mother Margaret Moore, Evg. Patricia Lewis, Evg. Dorinda Clark-Cole, and Eld. and Sis. Delley.

I spent $100 maybe even more on souvenirs this year. Lord have mercy on me.

We made it home safely. Thank the Lord.

This Here Hair of Mine

Well, I made it to the beauty shop at 5:05 PM. I didn't leave until 9:03 PM. My hair acted crazy. First of all, it wouldn't let go of the perm. Nette was washing my hair for have past forever. Secondly, my hair would not co-operate. She took the back part down three times. she took the front part down over five times. She would put a hair pin in to hold one part of my hair and the other part would pop up. It was working on my nerves. I worked Nette so hard that I felt guilty when I thought about not giving her a tip.

She kept telling me, "Are you telling your hair to act right?" I had told my hair to do right, but it wasn't listening. I even prayed.

I told her to fix it over twice. The back of my hair was not looking nice. I don't want people to be talking about me behind my head.

Anyway, I'm gone to Memphis. I will be back in business on Tuesday.

I'm gon get my praise on.
Up in here (Memphis)
Up in here (Memphis)

Caught in the Mix

I nearly got caught up is some mess on Monday. I can't go into any details, but let's just say that none of it has anything to do with me. It is other folks project. I am only involved in it because I have some computer skills.

The main person in charge of the project was trying to pass the buck off to me. I am not even a part of the department that is doing the project. It turned it back on the project manager. Now, it's up to him to get back with the top man and get the go ahead.

My brother laughed at me because I actually decided to help out for a brief moment. I am sympathetic. I hate to see folk struggle, but I can only do so much. It's not on my back anymore.

That's what you get when you wait until the last minute to do something that you knew about three months ago.

Hormones, Old School COGIC...

And Some Other Stuff
Last week was a very hormonal week for me. I was having issues all week long.

Wednesday was the worse, because I was hormonal at church. I was irritated greatly at church. I sung with the praise team. I shouldn't have as hormonal as I was feeling. The praise team sung mostly moderate tempo songs. The elder in charge said, "Come on praise team, sing some Zion songs." I was expecting the praise team to sing some uptempo, make you wanna shout, hand clapping, foot stomping, songs, but no. I was standing in front of the church singing and thinking, "Can I get a little pepper sauce in this?" I hope no one in the sanctuary could tell what I was thinking.

I know that part of it was because I am anxious and excited about the upcoming COGIC National Convocation that occurs in a couple of week. Actually, it's in 13 days. I am so ready to go.

I grew up old school Church of God in Christ. I love the COGIC style of praise and worship. It is upbeat, lively, and it gets the blood going. You want to praise the Lord in the old school COGIC style of praise and worship.

Sunday at Superintendent Rylander's church, I got a dose of what I needed, old school COGIC style of praise and worship. It was wonderful. The organist played and sang during the offering. The music helped the offering move quickly. The whole congregation was singing, clapping, and giving.

We raised over $10,000 for Superintendent and Missionary Rylander in about 20 minutes. That's a miracle! Most anniversary or appreciation offerings take over 30 minutes. I have been at some where they have taken over an hour.

Squeezing money from "saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled church folk" is like pulling an alligator's teeth... your subject to get your head bit off.

Most Supportive Usher

Sunday was our Usher Annual Day at church. I won Most Supportive Usher. I didn't win Female Usher of the Year. Sis. J got it. I was hoping that I would get it. I was disappointed that I didn't receive it. But since it was Sis. J that beat me, I wasn't upset as much as I would have been. Oh, well, there's always next year.

I asked someone why I was so supportive, the person told me that it was in my nature. I guess so. Anyway, always next year.

Sis. MJ gave Sis. R and Min. D a plaque honoring their mothers who were ushers, but have gone on to be with the Lord. Sis. R boohooed. Yesterday, Oct. 20, 2002, was the anniversary of Sis. R's mother's funeral. Sis. MJ is very good with dates.

Here's another date to remember. Sis. S's mother died on Sept. 11, 2002. If I know Sis. MJ, she will remember.

Guess What?

Guess what? Somebody dogged me out in my guestbook. They didn't even have the nerve to leave their name or their email address. Ain't that a blip.

Like I learned this weekend from listening to a message from 1978 by Dr. Richard Henton, "the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar.

It's my diary and I can talk about what I want to.

God is a good God.

Other Stuff...

Editing & Writing

I am still editing the book for my father. He likes to use the word And. He also like using the ellipsis and quotation marks. It works my nerves sometimes. The typist that he has working for him types every and, ellipsis, and quotation mark that he writes down. I am still wondering how I was drafted to do the editing.

I am a very good editor. I am a good writer as well. Writing is in my blood. I have always written poems, stories, and essays that held people's interest. I remember when I was in the seventh grade. We were given the first few sentences of a story. We had to complete the story. We had to read our stories out loud. While everyone else was reading their stories, no one was paying attention to them, including the teacher. When I read my story, everyone paid attention to my story. Everyone liked my story, too. I was glad. I felt good. The writing bug bit me then.

Domino Interjection...

The computer is cheating again. Hold up... Fifteen Baby! Here we go, Fifteen more! Oh well, the computer just made me draw again.

Back to Editing & Writing

I enjoy writing probably about as much as D enjoys playing the drums. I work on my craft, so that I can get better. I think I am good. I have been published a couple of times in college. I don't know which way I want to go to get paid for writing. I have a textbook in the works. I also have a novel in the works. I am unsure of which way to go.

I think I am as creative with words as D is with the drums. I can just sit down and make up stuff. I do it all the time. When people see me writing, they always ask me, "What are you writing?" I usually say, "Nothing. I have to write things down when they pop into my head or my head will burst."

Since I have been editing the book for my father, it makes me want to be a writer even more. I have to stop procrastinating about it.

Musical Interjection...

I am listening to Karen Clark Sheard's 2nd Chance CD. I am feeling the cut entitled "I've Been Changed." I keep playing it over and over.

"I was a bird on the ground, using my legs to get around. I was a piano out of tune, but I've been turned around... Cause I can fly now and the song I play let's me know, I've been changed."

It's playing now.

"Twinkie, you know what I'm talking about. I know you do."

I feel like doing the running man. I know that is an old dance, but the song is so mellow. The running man is the best dance to do to the song.

I am going to close on the musical interjection. I am going to get my praise on...

"Nevermind what you heard, I'm not the same somewhere, somehow, some way, I reversed the way I do things... I've been changed."

Later ya'll!

Email To D & From D This is what I sent to D...

I have been promising to email you. I don't want to be a liar. I hadn't emailed you because I couldn't think of anything to say.

You are getting very skilled at playing the drums. You sound very good. Everyone at church can tell when you aren't on the drums. I am not trying to inflate your ego or anything, but you sound even better than Name Omitted on the drums. I don't know if that is because of your skill or because Name Omitted's heart is not into playing the drums anymore. I am going to say that it is because of your skill. (SMILE.)

I don't get to see much these days since you want to be a BMW (Black Man Working). Every woman wants a BMW. (SMILE). I'm not mad at you.

There is not a lot new with me. I am writing a story online. You can check it out http://ladawnya.diaryland.com/. IF you have time, I know you are busy these days.

I have to run, these crazy children are acting up. I gotta go regulate.

Later,

deartra

This is what D sent to me...

Hey girl, I really wanted to thank you for all our encouragement. It really means alot to me. You are the one person that notices my playing all the time. Its surprises me soooooo much how much you actually listen. Thanks for supporting me. You won't have to worry about me getting "Big Headed". I know none of this would be possible if it wasn't for God. Ever since I came back from North Dakota I have been seriously concentrating on my playing and my relationship w/God. I just think its now starting to pay off. You don't have no idea how I practice everyday, and I do mean everyday. I'm not satisfied w/just being Good, I want to be great. I always think that everytime I play, I'm sitting at the Lords feet and he is just telling me to worship him. I want to give him my best everytime I play. I still have to get a whole lot better, but hopefully by the end of this year I'll be where I want to be skill wise.

Again, thank-you for just simply being there for me. I know I have been a little busy going to work and doing my music thing. I need to do a better job at keeping in contact with you. Especially since you have e-mail, I have no excuse. I will talk with you soon. Miss ya!

Love, D.

That's all I can do at the moment. I feel my emotions working on me again.

He Emailed Me!

I am playing dominoes on the computer. Why did the computer make me draw all of the dominoes in the bone yard? This has nothing to do with this entry. I just felt it.

Here's The Reason for this Entry...

D finally emailed me. I am glad. I have emailed him three or four times and he hasn't returned any of my emails. My heart did a flip when I saw that he had emailed me.

(Maybe I'm Not) Over Him
Maybe I'm not over him. Maybe I still wish a friend. He could be to me. Together forever be. Maybe I'm not over him.
He's gone. Gone away. Maybe I'm not over him.
I don't know what to do. My hearts still hurts to the core. I don't know what to do. Oh, Lord, please help me to go through. Cause maybe I'm not over him.

Here's the explanation behind D.

D is ten years younger than me. I would have to be difficult and decide to like someone that much younger than me. He is a guy from my church. My pastor and single's ministry director is quite adamant about younger men - older women relationships. So, it would probably be a real struggle if we decided to date.

A number of other people in my life have told me to go for it, but I haven't. I make myself not think about him. It hurts to know that you have feelings for someone and you can't do anything about it. I am too old for this.

Here are some poems I wrote about/for him.

• A Brief Moment


• Thoughts Back


• Hypnotic Spell

The poem mentioned above was not written about/for him. I wrote it about someone else, but the poem fit D, so I put it here.

He had been asking me to email him for the last two weeks. I had lept putting it off because I knew that it would cause me to feel emotions that I am trying to surpress.

Well, all day I am going to be feeling weird because of all of this. I am tearing up as I am writing this. I might have to put my name on the prayer list today. I can never do anything like a normal person. Abnormality is normal in the Madkins' family.

I am feeling too much emotion to finish this. I will try again later.

I didn't mean to go into all of this, but D finally emailed me.

I am A Reviewer Now

I recently became a reviewer for China Doll Reviews. I have done four reviews already. It's not that I am that good. I am just overzealous at times, but that's my character.

I am supposed to be a reviewer for another review site, LaLa Reviews.

In my profile, I made sure that I put that I am a missionary/preacher. First and foremost, that's what I am, A Woman of God.

I reviewed a diary where a young lady was considering no longer being a virgin. I felt the preacher in me rise up. I prayed for her as well as told her that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.

I through for the moment. I might say something else later.