I have created a new poetry site called, My Poet's Voice.
I decided that I wanted a diary devoted solely to my poetry.
Enjoy.
This is the personal diary of deartra d. Boone, where she posts her current thoughts, feelings, interests, and other things as needed. Everything that is written here, is In HER Own Voice!
11.14.2002
Excuse Me Whilst I Pray
Lord, I just received some bad news. Please help me to hold fast, be strong, keep my joy and to know Your peace.
I will praise you in the midst of this storm.
Thank You, God.
Thank You for the strength to stand.
Thank You for the peace that passes all understanding.
Thank You for Your joy that is my strength.
Thank You, Jesus.
Amen.
I will praise you in the midst of this storm.
Thank You, God.
Thank You for the strength to stand.
Thank You for the peace that passes all understanding.
Thank You for Your joy that is my strength.
Thank You, Jesus.
Amen.
11.13.2002
Driving A Jaguar While Young and Black
We headed back to Dallas on Monday, 11-11-02. It was smooth sailing until we got into Greenville, Texas. In our home state. They have a billboard as you enter Greenville that says, "Greenville, You'll like the style." That's a lie especially if you are young African-American and driving a Jaguar.
We were stopped by the police of Greenville, Texas. The female officer came to my window and started talking. She says that we were going 80 miles in a 65 mile zone. I question that greatly. Jerry might have been going 75, but he was not going 80. Anyway, she asked Jerry to step out of the car. Then she began to grill me.
Officer: Where are you all coming from?
Me: Tennessee.
Officer: What were you all doing in Tennessee?
Me: We were at a church conference.
She shines her flashlight in the back of the car.
Officer: What are those in the back of the car?
Me: Oxygen tanks.
Officer: Why are they in the back of the car?
Now, I am thinking to myself, "Common sense should tell you that oxygen tanks are used for breathing."
Me: A friend of ours needed them to breath. We are taking them home for her.
Dumb Officer: Why do you have them?
It should be obvious to anyone that either our friend did not have a way to take them home or that our friend did not have enough room for them.
Me: Our friend flew and she asked us to bring them home for her.
Dumb Officer: Who is the driver to you?
Me: Huh. (I couldn't hear her.)
Dumb Officer: Who is the driver to you?
That should have been obvious to her. My brother and I look like my mother spit us both out at the same time instead of three years apart.
Me: He's my brother.
She walks off and goes to where my brother is.
When my brother got back in the car, this is what he told me.
The dumb female officer asked him,
1. Why did he rent a Jag?
2. When did he rent it?
3. When was he going to take it back?
4. How long was he going to keep it for?
5. Why did we have tanks in the back of our car?
1. The rental company gave it to us. (None of her business).
2. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
3. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
4. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
5. We were transporting them. (She had already asked me that.)
I guess a young black man and woman cannot rent a silver Jaguar XJ8.
Dumb officer. Don't get me wrong, I respect police officers, but racism and stupidity is hard to respect.
Needless to say, Jerry and I plan on writing every official we can find an address or email for in the city of Greenville.
It's a bit ironic. On Friday night (11-8-02) at the Back Home Revival Hour of the Convocation, one of the preacher's said this, "He was alright while he was on the Arkansas side of Texarkana, but when he got on the Texas side of Texarkana, he got into trouble. When they say don't mess with Texas, they mean it."
Truer words have never been spoken.
Our crime was... Driving A Jaguar While Young and Black!
We were stopped by the police of Greenville, Texas. The female officer came to my window and started talking. She says that we were going 80 miles in a 65 mile zone. I question that greatly. Jerry might have been going 75, but he was not going 80. Anyway, she asked Jerry to step out of the car. Then she began to grill me.
Officer: Where are you all coming from?
Me: Tennessee.
Officer: What were you all doing in Tennessee?
Me: We were at a church conference.
She shines her flashlight in the back of the car.
Officer: What are those in the back of the car?
Me: Oxygen tanks.
Officer: Why are they in the back of the car?
Now, I am thinking to myself, "Common sense should tell you that oxygen tanks are used for breathing."
Me: A friend of ours needed them to breath. We are taking them home for her.
Dumb Officer: Why do you have them?
It should be obvious to anyone that either our friend did not have a way to take them home or that our friend did not have enough room for them.
Me: Our friend flew and she asked us to bring them home for her.
Dumb Officer: Who is the driver to you?
Me: Huh. (I couldn't hear her.)
Dumb Officer: Who is the driver to you?
That should have been obvious to her. My brother and I look like my mother spit us both out at the same time instead of three years apart.
Me: He's my brother.
She walks off and goes to where my brother is.
When my brother got back in the car, this is what he told me.
The dumb female officer asked him,
1. Why did he rent a Jag?
2. When did he rent it?
3. When was he going to take it back?
4. How long was he going to keep it for?
5. Why did we have tanks in the back of our car?
1. The rental company gave it to us. (None of her business).
2. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
3. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
4. It was listed on the rental agreement which I gave her. (Again I say, none of her business).
5. We were transporting them. (She had already asked me that.)
I guess a young black man and woman cannot rent a silver Jaguar XJ8.
Dumb officer. Don't get me wrong, I respect police officers, but racism and stupidity is hard to respect.
Needless to say, Jerry and I plan on writing every official we can find an address or email for in the city of Greenville.
It's a bit ironic. On Friday night (11-8-02) at the Back Home Revival Hour of the Convocation, one of the preacher's said this, "He was alright while he was on the Arkansas side of Texarkana, but when he got on the Texas side of Texarkana, he got into trouble. When they say don't mess with Texas, they mean it."
Truer words have never been spoken.
Our crime was... Driving A Jaguar While Young and Black!
Back From Convocation
Jerry and I got back from convocation on Tuesday after 12:00 AM. We would have been back earlier, but we had a complication. (I will get into that later.)
Guess what we drove to Memphis in. A JAGUAR. We were the lick rolling in an XJ8. God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. All we had to pay for the Jag was $139. Can I say it again? God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good.
Excuse me. I feel a praise break. 1, 2, 3.
Ok, I'm back.
On Wednesday night, 11-6-02, our Aunt Cheryl brought some oxygen tanks to church for us to transport to Memphis for her. Good grief woman. We were told that it was an oxygen tank. We ended up riding down there with count them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5; yes five oxygen tanks in the back seat. Good grief woman.
We left Thursday morning at 3:30 AM. We had a nice trip down there. A girl named Dana from the church rode down with us. Dana was fun to hang around. We went to a museum in Arkansas. Dana decided to ride the handicap elevator instead of taking the three steps down to the next level. The girl hit the emergency button instead of the start button. That sent us running through the rest of the museum. When we got back to the first floor, we could still hear the alarm sounding. The security guard was running around on her walkie talkie trying to figure out what was going on. Jerry and I had to catch up with Dana because she was swiftly moving out the door.
Jerry and I did not make it to the main service until Monday. We stayed in until 10:30 each night and went to the Back Home Revival Hour with Madame Emily Bram Bibby and Superintendent McClendon Winbush. The services were nice. I played the drums as usual. I let a few people play this year. I got paid. Mother J gave me a think envelop with a bunch of ones, fives, and tens in it. Hey, money spends no matter what denomination it is.
Monday, we saw all of our people -- Evg. Francis Kelley, Mother Margaret Moore, Evg. Patricia Lewis, Evg. Dorinda Clark-Cole, and Eld. and Sis. Delley.
I spent $100 maybe even more on souvenirs this year. Lord have mercy on me.
We made it home safely. Thank the Lord.
Guess what we drove to Memphis in. A JAGUAR. We were the lick rolling in an XJ8. God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. All we had to pay for the Jag was $139. Can I say it again? God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good.
Excuse me. I feel a praise break. 1, 2, 3.
Ok, I'm back.
On Wednesday night, 11-6-02, our Aunt Cheryl brought some oxygen tanks to church for us to transport to Memphis for her. Good grief woman. We were told that it was an oxygen tank. We ended up riding down there with count them 1, 2, 3, 4, 5; yes five oxygen tanks in the back seat. Good grief woman.
We left Thursday morning at 3:30 AM. We had a nice trip down there. A girl named Dana from the church rode down with us. Dana was fun to hang around. We went to a museum in Arkansas. Dana decided to ride the handicap elevator instead of taking the three steps down to the next level. The girl hit the emergency button instead of the start button. That sent us running through the rest of the museum. When we got back to the first floor, we could still hear the alarm sounding. The security guard was running around on her walkie talkie trying to figure out what was going on. Jerry and I had to catch up with Dana because she was swiftly moving out the door.
Jerry and I did not make it to the main service until Monday. We stayed in until 10:30 each night and went to the Back Home Revival Hour with Madame Emily Bram Bibby and Superintendent McClendon Winbush. The services were nice. I played the drums as usual. I let a few people play this year. I got paid. Mother J gave me a think envelop with a bunch of ones, fives, and tens in it. Hey, money spends no matter what denomination it is.
Monday, we saw all of our people -- Evg. Francis Kelley, Mother Margaret Moore, Evg. Patricia Lewis, Evg. Dorinda Clark-Cole, and Eld. and Sis. Delley.
I spent $100 maybe even more on souvenirs this year. Lord have mercy on me.
We made it home safely. Thank the Lord.
11.06.2002
This Here Hair of Mine
Well, I made it to the beauty shop at 5:05 PM. I didn't leave until 9:03 PM. My hair acted crazy. First of all, it wouldn't let go of the perm. Nette was washing my hair for have past forever. Secondly, my hair would not co-operate. She took the back part down three times. she took the front part down over five times. She would put a hair pin in to hold one part of my hair and the other part would pop up. It was working on my nerves. I worked Nette so hard that I felt guilty when I thought about not giving her a tip.
She kept telling me, "Are you telling your hair to act right?" I had told my hair to do right, but it wasn't listening. I even prayed.
I told her to fix it over twice. The back of my hair was not looking nice. I don't want people to be talking about me behind my head.
Anyway, I'm gone to Memphis. I will be back in business on Tuesday.
I'm gon get my praise on.
Up in here (Memphis)
Up in here (Memphis)
She kept telling me, "Are you telling your hair to act right?" I had told my hair to do right, but it wasn't listening. I even prayed.
I told her to fix it over twice. The back of my hair was not looking nice. I don't want people to be talking about me behind my head.
Anyway, I'm gone to Memphis. I will be back in business on Tuesday.
I'm gon get my praise on.
Up in here (Memphis)
Up in here (Memphis)
10.29.2002
Caught in the Mix
I nearly got caught up is some mess on Monday. I can't go into any details, but let's just say that none of it has anything to do with me. It is other folks project. I am only involved in it because I have some computer skills.
The main person in charge of the project was trying to pass the buck off to me. I am not even a part of the department that is doing the project. It turned it back on the project manager. Now, it's up to him to get back with the top man and get the go ahead.
My brother laughed at me because I actually decided to help out for a brief moment. I am sympathetic. I hate to see folk struggle, but I can only do so much. It's not on my back anymore.
That's what you get when you wait until the last minute to do something that you knew about three months ago.
The main person in charge of the project was trying to pass the buck off to me. I am not even a part of the department that is doing the project. It turned it back on the project manager. Now, it's up to him to get back with the top man and get the go ahead.
My brother laughed at me because I actually decided to help out for a brief moment. I am sympathetic. I hate to see folk struggle, but I can only do so much. It's not on my back anymore.
That's what you get when you wait until the last minute to do something that you knew about three months ago.
10.28.2002
Hormones, Old School COGIC...
And Some Other Stuff
Last week was a very hormonal week for me. I was having issues all week long.
Wednesday was the worse, because I was hormonal at church. I was irritated greatly at church. I sung with the praise team. I shouldn't have as hormonal as I was feeling. The praise team sung mostly moderate tempo songs. The elder in charge said, "Come on praise team, sing some Zion songs." I was expecting the praise team to sing some uptempo, make you wanna shout, hand clapping, foot stomping, songs, but no. I was standing in front of the church singing and thinking, "Can I get a little pepper sauce in this?" I hope no one in the sanctuary could tell what I was thinking.
I know that part of it was because I am anxious and excited about the upcoming COGIC National Convocation that occurs in a couple of week. Actually, it's in 13 days. I am so ready to go.
I grew up old school Church of God in Christ. I love the COGIC style of praise and worship. It is upbeat, lively, and it gets the blood going. You want to praise the Lord in the old school COGIC style of praise and worship.
Sunday at Superintendent Rylander's church, I got a dose of what I needed, old school COGIC style of praise and worship. It was wonderful. The organist played and sang during the offering. The music helped the offering move quickly. The whole congregation was singing, clapping, and giving.
We raised over $10,000 for Superintendent and Missionary Rylander in about 20 minutes. That's a miracle! Most anniversary or appreciation offerings take over 30 minutes. I have been at some where they have taken over an hour.
Squeezing money from "saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled church folk" is like pulling an alligator's teeth... your subject to get your head bit off.
Last week was a very hormonal week for me. I was having issues all week long.
Wednesday was the worse, because I was hormonal at church. I was irritated greatly at church. I sung with the praise team. I shouldn't have as hormonal as I was feeling. The praise team sung mostly moderate tempo songs. The elder in charge said, "Come on praise team, sing some Zion songs." I was expecting the praise team to sing some uptempo, make you wanna shout, hand clapping, foot stomping, songs, but no. I was standing in front of the church singing and thinking, "Can I get a little pepper sauce in this?" I hope no one in the sanctuary could tell what I was thinking.
I know that part of it was because I am anxious and excited about the upcoming COGIC National Convocation that occurs in a couple of week. Actually, it's in 13 days. I am so ready to go.
I grew up old school Church of God in Christ. I love the COGIC style of praise and worship. It is upbeat, lively, and it gets the blood going. You want to praise the Lord in the old school COGIC style of praise and worship.
Sunday at Superintendent Rylander's church, I got a dose of what I needed, old school COGIC style of praise and worship. It was wonderful. The organist played and sang during the offering. The music helped the offering move quickly. The whole congregation was singing, clapping, and giving.
We raised over $10,000 for Superintendent and Missionary Rylander in about 20 minutes. That's a miracle! Most anniversary or appreciation offerings take over 30 minutes. I have been at some where they have taken over an hour.
Squeezing money from "saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled church folk" is like pulling an alligator's teeth... your subject to get your head bit off.
10.21.2002
Most Supportive Usher
Sunday was our Usher Annual Day at church. I won Most Supportive Usher. I didn't win Female Usher of the Year. Sis. J got it. I was hoping that I would get it. I was disappointed that I didn't receive it. But since it was Sis. J that beat me, I wasn't upset as much as I would have been. Oh, well, there's always next year.
I asked someone why I was so supportive, the person told me that it was in my nature. I guess so. Anyway, always next year.
Sis. MJ gave Sis. R and Min. D a plaque honoring their mothers who were ushers, but have gone on to be with the Lord. Sis. R boohooed. Yesterday, Oct. 20, 2002, was the anniversary of Sis. R's mother's funeral. Sis. MJ is very good with dates.
Here's another date to remember. Sis. S's mother died on Sept. 11, 2002. If I know Sis. MJ, she will remember.
I asked someone why I was so supportive, the person told me that it was in my nature. I guess so. Anyway, always next year.
Sis. MJ gave Sis. R and Min. D a plaque honoring their mothers who were ushers, but have gone on to be with the Lord. Sis. R boohooed. Yesterday, Oct. 20, 2002, was the anniversary of Sis. R's mother's funeral. Sis. MJ is very good with dates.
Here's another date to remember. Sis. S's mother died on Sept. 11, 2002. If I know Sis. MJ, she will remember.
Guess What?
Guess what? Somebody dogged me out in my guestbook. They didn't even have the nerve to leave their name or their email address. Ain't that a blip.
Like I learned this weekend from listening to a message from 1978 by Dr. Richard Henton, "the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar.
It's my diary and I can talk about what I want to.
God is a good God.
Like I learned this weekend from listening to a message from 1978 by Dr. Richard Henton, "the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar, the devil is a liar.
It's my diary and I can talk about what I want to.
God is a good God.
10.04.2002
Other Stuff...
Editing & Writing
I am still editing the book for my father. He likes to use the word And. He also like using the ellipsis and quotation marks. It works my nerves sometimes. The typist that he has working for him types every and, ellipsis, and quotation mark that he writes down. I am still wondering how I was drafted to do the editing.
I am a very good editor. I am a good writer as well. Writing is in my blood. I have always written poems, stories, and essays that held people's interest. I remember when I was in the seventh grade. We were given the first few sentences of a story. We had to complete the story. We had to read our stories out loud. While everyone else was reading their stories, no one was paying attention to them, including the teacher. When I read my story, everyone paid attention to my story. Everyone liked my story, too. I was glad. I felt good. The writing bug bit me then.
Domino Interjection...
The computer is cheating again. Hold up... Fifteen Baby! Here we go, Fifteen more! Oh well, the computer just made me draw again.
Back to Editing & Writing
I enjoy writing probably about as much as D enjoys playing the drums. I work on my craft, so that I can get better. I think I am good. I have been published a couple of times in college. I don't know which way I want to go to get paid for writing. I have a textbook in the works. I also have a novel in the works. I am unsure of which way to go.
I think I am as creative with words as D is with the drums. I can just sit down and make up stuff. I do it all the time. When people see me writing, they always ask me, "What are you writing?" I usually say, "Nothing. I have to write things down when they pop into my head or my head will burst."
Since I have been editing the book for my father, it makes me want to be a writer even more. I have to stop procrastinating about it.
Musical Interjection...
I am listening to Karen Clark Sheard's 2nd Chance CD. I am feeling the cut entitled "I've Been Changed." I keep playing it over and over.
It's playing now.
I feel like doing the running man. I know that is an old dance, but the song is so mellow. The running man is the best dance to do to the song.
I am going to close on the musical interjection. I am going to get my praise on...
Later ya'll!
I am still editing the book for my father. He likes to use the word And. He also like using the ellipsis and quotation marks. It works my nerves sometimes. The typist that he has working for him types every and, ellipsis, and quotation mark that he writes down. I am still wondering how I was drafted to do the editing.
I am a very good editor. I am a good writer as well. Writing is in my blood. I have always written poems, stories, and essays that held people's interest. I remember when I was in the seventh grade. We were given the first few sentences of a story. We had to complete the story. We had to read our stories out loud. While everyone else was reading their stories, no one was paying attention to them, including the teacher. When I read my story, everyone paid attention to my story. Everyone liked my story, too. I was glad. I felt good. The writing bug bit me then.
Domino Interjection...
The computer is cheating again. Hold up... Fifteen Baby! Here we go, Fifteen more! Oh well, the computer just made me draw again.
Back to Editing & Writing
I enjoy writing probably about as much as D enjoys playing the drums. I work on my craft, so that I can get better. I think I am good. I have been published a couple of times in college. I don't know which way I want to go to get paid for writing. I have a textbook in the works. I also have a novel in the works. I am unsure of which way to go.
I think I am as creative with words as D is with the drums. I can just sit down and make up stuff. I do it all the time. When people see me writing, they always ask me, "What are you writing?" I usually say, "Nothing. I have to write things down when they pop into my head or my head will burst."
Since I have been editing the book for my father, it makes me want to be a writer even more. I have to stop procrastinating about it.
Musical Interjection...
I am listening to Karen Clark Sheard's 2nd Chance CD. I am feeling the cut entitled "I've Been Changed." I keep playing it over and over.
"I was a bird on the ground, using my legs to get around. I was a piano out of tune, but I've been turned around... Cause I can fly now and the song I play let's me know, I've been changed."
It's playing now.
"Twinkie, you know what I'm talking about. I know you do."
I feel like doing the running man. I know that is an old dance, but the song is so mellow. The running man is the best dance to do to the song.
I am going to close on the musical interjection. I am going to get my praise on...
"Nevermind what you heard, I'm not the same somewhere, somehow, some way, I reversed the way I do things... I've been changed."
Later ya'll!
Email To D & From D This is what I sent to D...
I have been promising to email you. I don't want to be a liar. I hadn't emailed you because I couldn't think of anything to say.
You are getting very skilled at playing the drums. You sound very good. Everyone at church can tell when you aren't on the drums. I am not trying to inflate your ego or anything, but you sound even better than Name Omitted on the drums. I don't know if that is because of your skill or because Name Omitted's heart is not into playing the drums anymore. I am going to say that it is because of your skill. (SMILE.)
I don't get to see much these days since you want to be a BMW (Black Man Working). Every woman wants a BMW. (SMILE). I'm not mad at you.
There is not a lot new with me. I am writing a story online. You can check it out http://ladawnya.diaryland.com/. IF you have time, I know you are busy these days.
I have to run, these crazy children are acting up. I gotta go regulate.
Later,
deartra
This is what D sent to me...
Hey girl, I really wanted to thank you for all our encouragement. It really means alot to me. You are the one person that notices my playing all the time. Its surprises me soooooo much how much you actually listen. Thanks for supporting me. You won't have to worry about me getting "Big Headed". I know none of this would be possible if it wasn't for God. Ever since I came back from North Dakota I have been seriously concentrating on my playing and my relationship w/God. I just think its now starting to pay off. You don't have no idea how I practice everyday, and I do mean everyday. I'm not satisfied w/just being Good, I want to be great. I always think that everytime I play, I'm sitting at the Lords feet and he is just telling me to worship him. I want to give him my best everytime I play. I still have to get a whole lot better, but hopefully by the end of this year I'll be where I want to be skill wise.
Again, thank-you for just simply being there for me. I know I have been a little busy going to work and doing my music thing. I need to do a better job at keeping in contact with you. Especially since you have e-mail, I have no excuse. I will talk with you soon. Miss ya!
Love, D.
That's all I can do at the moment. I feel my emotions working on me again.
You are getting very skilled at playing the drums. You sound very good. Everyone at church can tell when you aren't on the drums. I am not trying to inflate your ego or anything, but you sound even better than Name Omitted on the drums. I don't know if that is because of your skill or because Name Omitted's heart is not into playing the drums anymore. I am going to say that it is because of your skill. (SMILE.)
I don't get to see much these days since you want to be a BMW (Black Man Working). Every woman wants a BMW. (SMILE). I'm not mad at you.
There is not a lot new with me. I am writing a story online. You can check it out http://ladawnya.diaryland.com/. IF you have time, I know you are busy these days.
I have to run, these crazy children are acting up. I gotta go regulate.
Later,
deartra
This is what D sent to me...
Hey girl, I really wanted to thank you for all our encouragement. It really means alot to me. You are the one person that notices my playing all the time. Its surprises me soooooo much how much you actually listen. Thanks for supporting me. You won't have to worry about me getting "Big Headed". I know none of this would be possible if it wasn't for God. Ever since I came back from North Dakota I have been seriously concentrating on my playing and my relationship w/God. I just think its now starting to pay off. You don't have no idea how I practice everyday, and I do mean everyday. I'm not satisfied w/just being Good, I want to be great. I always think that everytime I play, I'm sitting at the Lords feet and he is just telling me to worship him. I want to give him my best everytime I play. I still have to get a whole lot better, but hopefully by the end of this year I'll be where I want to be skill wise.
Again, thank-you for just simply being there for me. I know I have been a little busy going to work and doing my music thing. I need to do a better job at keeping in contact with you. Especially since you have e-mail, I have no excuse. I will talk with you soon. Miss ya!
Love, D.
That's all I can do at the moment. I feel my emotions working on me again.
10.03.2002
He Emailed Me!
I am playing dominoes on the computer. Why did the computer make me draw all of the dominoes in the bone yard? This has nothing to do with this entry. I just felt it.
Here's The Reason for this Entry...
D finally emailed me. I am glad. I have emailed him three or four times and he hasn't returned any of my emails. My heart did a flip when I saw that he had emailed me.
(Maybe I'm Not) Over Him
Maybe I'm not over him. Maybe I still wish a friend. He could be to me. Together forever be. Maybe I'm not over him.
He's gone. Gone away. Maybe I'm not over him.
I don't know what to do. My hearts still hurts to the core. I don't know what to do. Oh, Lord, please help me to go through. Cause maybe I'm not over him.
Here's the explanation behind D.
D is ten years younger than me. I would have to be difficult and decide to like someone that much younger than me. He is a guy from my church. My pastor and single's ministry director is quite adamant about younger men - older women relationships. So, it would probably be a real struggle if we decided to date.
A number of other people in my life have told me to go for it, but I haven't. I make myself not think about him. It hurts to know that you have feelings for someone and you can't do anything about it. I am too old for this.
Here are some poems I wrote about/for him.
The poem mentioned above was not written about/for him. I wrote it about someone else, but the poem fit D, so I put it here.
He had been asking me to email him for the last two weeks. I had lept putting it off because I knew that it would cause me to feel emotions that I am trying to surpress.
Well, all day I am going to be feeling weird because of all of this. I am tearing up as I am writing this. I might have to put my name on the prayer list today. I can never do anything like a normal person. Abnormality is normal in the Madkins' family.
I am feeling too much emotion to finish this. I will try again later.
I didn't mean to go into all of this, but D finally emailed me.
Here's The Reason for this Entry...
D finally emailed me. I am glad. I have emailed him three or four times and he hasn't returned any of my emails. My heart did a flip when I saw that he had emailed me.
(Maybe I'm Not) Over Him
Maybe I'm not over him. Maybe I still wish a friend. He could be to me. Together forever be. Maybe I'm not over him.
He's gone. Gone away. Maybe I'm not over him.
I don't know what to do. My hearts still hurts to the core. I don't know what to do. Oh, Lord, please help me to go through. Cause maybe I'm not over him.
Here's the explanation behind D.
D is ten years younger than me. I would have to be difficult and decide to like someone that much younger than me. He is a guy from my church. My pastor and single's ministry director is quite adamant about younger men - older women relationships. So, it would probably be a real struggle if we decided to date.
A number of other people in my life have told me to go for it, but I haven't. I make myself not think about him. It hurts to know that you have feelings for someone and you can't do anything about it. I am too old for this.
Here are some poems I wrote about/for him.
The poem mentioned above was not written about/for him. I wrote it about someone else, but the poem fit D, so I put it here.
He had been asking me to email him for the last two weeks. I had lept putting it off because I knew that it would cause me to feel emotions that I am trying to surpress.
Well, all day I am going to be feeling weird because of all of this. I am tearing up as I am writing this. I might have to put my name on the prayer list today. I can never do anything like a normal person. Abnormality is normal in the Madkins' family.
I am feeling too much emotion to finish this. I will try again later.
I didn't mean to go into all of this, but D finally emailed me.
10.02.2002
I am A Reviewer Now
I recently became a reviewer for China Doll Reviews. I have done four reviews already. It's not that I am that good. I am just overzealous at times, but that's my character.
I am supposed to be a reviewer for another review site, LaLa Reviews.
In my profile, I made sure that I put that I am a missionary/preacher. First and foremost, that's what I am, A Woman of God.
I reviewed a diary where a young lady was considering no longer being a virgin. I felt the preacher in me rise up. I prayed for her as well as told her that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.
I through for the moment. I might say something else later.
I am supposed to be a reviewer for another review site, LaLa Reviews.
In my profile, I made sure that I put that I am a missionary/preacher. First and foremost, that's what I am, A Woman of God.
I reviewed a diary where a young lady was considering no longer being a virgin. I felt the preacher in me rise up. I prayed for her as well as told her that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.
I through for the moment. I might say something else later.
9.26.2002
Just Felt An Interjection
I just felt like adding this...
I have been surfing around through Diaryland. There are some very nice layouts on some of the diaries. How can you not help but follow the example of others.
Right now I'm listening to Detrick Haddon, "Lost and Found," track number 2...
I know how he feels too. My mama still thinks I'm her baby, too.
I will be glad when November gets here. I am ready to go to Memphis for the Convocation.
I have been surfing around through Diaryland. There are some very nice layouts on some of the diaries. How can you not help but follow the example of others.
Right now I'm listening to Detrick Haddon, "Lost and Found," track number 2...
I know how he feels too. My mama still thinks I'm her baby, too.
I will be glad when November gets here. I am ready to go to Memphis for the Convocation.
I'm Getting My Praise On...
All of the students are gone before 3:30 this afternoon. I am totally shocked. I am glad. I am sitting here by myself waiting on Jerry to come pick me up. He should be here by 4:30.
During lunch, one of my nostrils cleared up. Why in the world does one nostril clear up and the other stay congested. I have yet to figure that one out. I feel a little better.
I am still editing my father's book. He has some deep stuff in the book. It is a book about Christian Discipleship. He challenges the reader to really think. He is challenging me because I have to think like he thinks. Oh, Lord, help here somebody.
I received an email from someone who will remain nameless at this time. I believe that the person is a bit upset with me at the moment. That's the tone I got from the email. I am working on correcting it.
I really hate pop-up windows, but who doesn't. (I felt that one.)
Excuse me, I gotta go wipe my runny, itchy eyes.
Later!
P.S. Is it alright if I get my praise on right quick? 1-2-3, let's go in with it.
During lunch, one of my nostrils cleared up. Why in the world does one nostril clear up and the other stay congested. I have yet to figure that one out. I feel a little better.
I am still editing my father's book. He has some deep stuff in the book. It is a book about Christian Discipleship. He challenges the reader to really think. He is challenging me because I have to think like he thinks. Oh, Lord, help here somebody.
I received an email from someone who will remain nameless at this time. I believe that the person is a bit upset with me at the moment. That's the tone I got from the email. I am working on correcting it.
I really hate pop-up windows, but who doesn't. (I felt that one.)
Excuse me, I gotta go wipe my runny, itchy eyes.
Later!
P.S. Is it alright if I get my praise on right quick? 1-2-3, let's go in with it.
Sinuses, Oh Sinuses
My sinuses are acting crazy. I woke up twice in the wee hours of the morning with a snotty, runny nose. Good grief. It's 8:29 am and I can't breathe. How am I supposed to deal with these children. My head is pounding?
I have a lot on my plate now.
Interjection: What is it going to take to get through to him?
Back to my main thought:
I have a lot on my plate now. I don't mind. I am helping my father to edit a book he is working on. It's a lot of work to do.
Interjection: I cried, Lord, please help me!
I'm back. Not only am I editing the book for my father, but Mother Margaret Moore wants me to do a website for her. I haven't gotten to it yet. I am planning to spend this weekend devoted to doing it. (She can be very demanding at times.)
I have to go sneeze. I'll holla back later.
P.S. I wish I was getting paid for all this work I am doing. SMILE!
I have a lot on my plate now.
Interjection: What is it going to take to get through to him?
Back to my main thought:
I have a lot on my plate now. I don't mind. I am helping my father to edit a book he is working on. It's a lot of work to do.
Interjection: I cried, Lord, please help me!
I'm back. Not only am I editing the book for my father, but Mother Margaret Moore wants me to do a website for her. I haven't gotten to it yet. I am planning to spend this weekend devoted to doing it. (She can be very demanding at times.)
I have to go sneeze. I'll holla back later.
P.S. I wish I was getting paid for all this work I am doing. SMILE!
9.24.2002
FGAC Convention 2002
Convention Week 2002 begins... September 16, 2002
Well, my hair doesn't look a mess anymore. I went to the hair salon on Tuesday. Nette hooked me up right as usual.
Y'all pray for me. I hadn't gotten a perm since July. It's September now. Lord, it had been three months since my last perm. I felt so bad. I need help. I am going to try to do better.
My hair has gotten long. I am going to wear it down one of these days. So, much for the hair.
Well, my hair doesn't look a mess anymore. I went to the hair salon on Tuesday. Nette hooked me up right as usual.
Y'all pray for me. I hadn't gotten a perm since July. It's September now. Lord, it had been three months since my last perm. I felt so bad. I need help. I am going to try to do better.
My hair has gotten long. I am going to wear it down one of these days. So, much for the hair.
We (FGAC) are in convention this week.
Tuesday night was the musical. It was good. Every group was anointed, but that's easy to be, because as much prayer that goes on a tour church, the anointing rests in our church.
Jimmy Wyatt tore the church at the end of service. He was the last person to perform before the end of the musical. He sung "My Soul Loves Jesus." He had sung about three verses of the song, and then he got up off the organ and went to his seat. Everybody was like aww. The MC told him that he couldn’t just leave us there, he had to come back. He had folk doing stuff coming from out in the back of the church to see who was singing. It was funny. After church everyone was saying, "He was wrong for that."
Wednesday night Pastor/Evangelist John Black preached. He did good. His subject was "The Point of No Return." He talked about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. I will have to look at the video tape to see what text he used.
Speaking of the video tape... The extension cord that I was using would not work. I had to go get the 4 group of household extension cords that I had plugged together to use in service. It was the middle of service and I had to run around looking for an extension cord. I had to run two video cameras because Bro. Ransom wasn’t there to run his camera.
I had to pick Jerry up from the airport. I didn't think Evg. Black was going to be through with his message before it was time for me to leave for the airport, but he was. I was glad. I didn't want to have to leave the service with the video still recording. (I am using Barry's video camera this year. He has a nice camera. I am a little nervous about using it.)
Thursday morning it was raining. I couldn't find an umbrella so I had to make a ghetto umbrella. I rode to work with a Minyard's grocery bag on my head.
It's raining, so we are going to have to close the school down. It is leaking in the closet where the air conditioner is. We can't run the air conditioner. It's too hot to be sitting up here. We are waiting on two parents to come pick up their children. It might be a minute.
Thursday night was okay. It was cold in the sanctuary. Folks was covered up with coats, sheets, and blankets. It was cold!
Friday was a trip. We met with the Queens. Sis. Queen and I were to pick up the singer, Crystal Rucker. Jerry and Bro. Queen were to pick up the speaker, Dr. Oscar Benton. Sis. Queen and I left late to pick her up. She hadn't been waiting on us long though. I told Sis. Queen to go to the wrong hotel. We changed hotels this year and no one told me. I was so embarrassed. It was okay. We all (Jerry, Bro. Queen, Sis. Queen, and I) went out to eat with Dr. Benton. He was very nice and down to earth. It was fun.
Friday night the service was off the chain. It was a little cold in the sanctuary, but the service was good. Dr. Benton preached and Crystal sang. It was good. I went through the prayer line. When we began to praise the Lord at the end of the altar call, Kim Greer fell out on the floor. Sis. Campbell went to dancing. A few seconds later, he husband went to dancing. Before I knew it, I was bucking myself. It was anointed in the house. Everyone was getting their praise on.
Saturday, Jerry and I took Crystal to the airport. Bro. Queen took Dr. Benton. I came back home and slept most of Saturday. Jerry and I picked up the guest for Sunday morning, Evg. William Morris. We dropped him off at the hotel and went back to the house.
Sunday I was late for 8:00 AM service. The organist was not there so I had to play the drums. I had to sing with no music. It is hard to try to sing an upbeat congregational song with no music at all. I did okay.
11:00 AM service was good. I had to run around and get the flyer ready for the missionary garage sale that is schedule for this Saturday. I had Joseph with me for awhile. I sat by Janice. Jerry had me take pictures of Evg. Morris. After service, Jerry and I went out to eat with Dr. E.C. Carson and Evg. Morris. We went over the Myles' house after we ate.
We didn't have church on Sunday night. Thank God!
All in all, the convention week was good. I am tired because of it. I am getting ready for November, when it is Memphis time.
9.16.2002
My Head, My Head
I am in a dilly of a pickle. It's my own fault.
I was scheduled to get my hair done today, but my hair stylist is having complications. I should know by now that no hair salon is open on Monday. I am supposed to go tomorrow, but our convention starts tomorrow. I will be pushing trying to get my hair done and make it to church on time. I am the videographer & media ministry co-ordinator for the convention, I can't be late.
Oh, well.
I was scheduled to get my hair done today, but my hair stylist is having complications. I should know by now that no hair salon is open on Monday. I am supposed to go tomorrow, but our convention starts tomorrow. I will be pushing trying to get my hair done and make it to church on time. I am the videographer & media ministry co-ordinator for the convention, I can't be late.
Oh, well.
9.12.2002
School Time Tales and Such
So far, school has been going good. I don't have the added pressure that I had last year. Thank God for moving things out of the way. I have students that are doing good. It's good.
I have some new ideas that I think will work. Hopefully, they will.
We didn't have school today, because of construction on the building. So, right now, I am watching some collections of Fred Flintstone. It's been fun. I haven't seen any with the children.
I have a question, was there more than one Dino. In some episodes, Dino is purple. In other episodes, Dino is reddish orange. What's up with that?
I tried doing a little work, but I got tired. I didn't feel too good. I took a nap and now I feel a lot better.
That's it for now.
I have some new ideas that I think will work. Hopefully, they will.
We didn't have school today, because of construction on the building. So, right now, I am watching some collections of Fred Flintstone. It's been fun. I haven't seen any with the children.
I have a question, was there more than one Dino. In some episodes, Dino is purple. In other episodes, Dino is reddish orange. What's up with that?
I tried doing a little work, but I got tired. I didn't feel too good. I took a nap and now I feel a lot better.
That's it for now.
I Preached Myself Some Good News
Week of 9/8/02 - September 11th was on the news. - Bad News
Monday 9/9/02 - "African-American Women are more likely to get various deadly diseases" - More Bad News
Wednesday 9/11/02 - September 11th is on every channel. I can't get away from it. - More Bad News
Thursday 9/12/02 - Received an email that says You can get cancer from a chemical in shampoo and toothpaste. - More Bad News
I became frustrated. I needed to hear some good news. I prayed and asked God for some good news. I begin to think about Heaven. I decided to work on a sermon about Heaven. (I am a missionary. You can check out my ministry.)
I began practicing my sermon as I usually does. Before I knew what had happened, I had jumped up from my desk and I was praising God and speaking in tongues. I know the neighbors downstairs must have though I had lost my mind.
There is good news amidst all the bad news in the land. There is a place called Heaven where, the wicked will cease from troubling, the weary shall be at rest, and all of the saints of the ages, will sit at God's feet and be blessed.
There is a prerequisite for getting to Heaven, you must be born again.
God gave me my good news and I preached it to myself.
Monday 9/9/02 - "African-American Women are more likely to get various deadly diseases" - More Bad News
Wednesday 9/11/02 - September 11th is on every channel. I can't get away from it. - More Bad News
Thursday 9/12/02 - Received an email that says You can get cancer from a chemical in shampoo and toothpaste. - More Bad News
I became frustrated. I needed to hear some good news. I prayed and asked God for some good news. I begin to think about Heaven. I decided to work on a sermon about Heaven. (I am a missionary. You can check out my ministry.)
I began practicing my sermon as I usually does. Before I knew what had happened, I had jumped up from my desk and I was praising God and speaking in tongues. I know the neighbors downstairs must have though I had lost my mind.
There is good news amidst all the bad news in the land. There is a place called Heaven where, the wicked will cease from troubling, the weary shall be at rest, and all of the saints of the ages, will sit at God's feet and be blessed.
There is a prerequisite for getting to Heaven, you must be born again.
God gave me my good news and I preached it to myself.
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